As a Single Parent How do I Handle my Ex?

Hi Hemal,

I enjoy reading your blog, it is well laid out and easy to follow,
something which I notice is often lacking on topics of a spiritual
nature elsewhere. Often there are too many bells and whistles and the messages are
lost amongst it all but yours is clear to read!

I teach people how to manage stress and anxiety, and one day I may
consider teaching the LoA depending on how open my clients are.

problem is, I am absolutely useless at applying the LoA in my own life
despite having seen the effects years ago before I even knew there was
a name for it. I have recently become a single parent and feel nervous every time I see my ex as he is so unreasonable about contact with the
children. I had been going along with his demands for contact and
hoping that being generous would lead him to being the same but it
isn't, so how do I get tougher without inviting more negativity for


Hi Abigail,

Being 'tougher' implies you have something to 'be
tough against', which implies on some level you are thinking of
something you do not want, and of course if you have something in your
vibration of what you don't want you are attracting more of the same.
Ask yourself what you DO want instead, how you'd like things to be, practice
those thoughts and vibration.

Focus on what you DO appreciate,
that you have a wonderful child, that you are getting to spend time
with him or her, that although the dynamics have changed recently you
are making the most of what you have and are enjoying and appreciating

And despite what your ex does or doesn't do, practice your vibration
towards what feels good to you rather than as a response to how he behaves
otherwise you may find yourself up and down, practice taking your
attention off that and putting it onto your own alignment
, in that
being what feels good to you (as that is your 'guidance', intuition,
whatever you want to call it), or at least feels 'better' to you, as it
is all relative

When you get into your own alignment others
around you will change, or you will see those aspects in them that
match your vibration, OR, when they behave those ways they used to you
won't see it or be around because vibrationally you won't be a match and
are instead lined up for what you do want. All in all it means the same
thing, when you have lined up your vibration and have alignment [to what feels good to you – that is your 'purpose'], you
will experience more of that

Hi Hemal

Thanks for replying. I guess it takes a big leap to
move away saying 'I don't want…' to 'What I want is…'. So is it
better to say 'I want for our boys not to have to make a very long car
trip' rather than 'I don't want the kids making a long car trip'?  How
else can I specifically spell it out for my ex that I don't want the
kids being made to do that?  If I don't spell things out, he will claim
he didn't realise my point.


Hi Abi,

When you say 'I don't want them to make a long car
' or 'I want them to not have to make a very long car trip', they are both the same thing in that the focus is still on not making a long car trip, i.e. on what you don't want (you can't process a 'negative'; don't think of a blue elephant in a purple tree – you can't 'not' think about it, you have to think about something to not think about it, hence don't put your attention towards what you don't want), put your attention on
what you DO want instead
, so I'm presuming what the most important things are
is that the boys are well, happy and so on, put your attention on that, whatever your (positive) intention is.  Practice your vibration around that.  If they are fine and happy making long trips or doing other things
then that is still a match to what you want, let go of the form, let go of judging the form of how your positive intention is achieved.

So ask yourself why you
want what you want to get your positive intention, i.e. them not having long trips for example is so
you want them to be well etc, put your attention on that than on 'how' it happens.  You are presuming what they will go through with long car journeys, and that may be well-founded based on what has happened in the past, but soften your perspective on it, soften your beliefs and thoughts around it, focus on what you do want than on what has happened in the past, create the present and future based on what you would like it to be than your experiences in the past.  When you are looking to avoid the past happening that is where your vibration is, instead start practicing how you would like things to be.  What you create in your future is just a matter of which vibration you practice and all possibilities are open to you


Bit by bit also take your attention away from the frustration of the
interactions (with the ex) and put it on what you are wanting, which is how you want
the boys to be. Because if your attention is on frustration, you will attract a match to that either in that context or elsewhere, put your attention on
the wellbeing of the boys, and the key thing is how it makes YOU feel,
put yourself in that place, and let the form and the happenings take
care of themselves.  Right now you probably have a list of the things you dislike about your ex and how you don't want things to be, but do you have a list of how you want things to be?  Which vibration are you practicing stronger?  Which is your dominant vibration?

And what I am talking about is more about
your own focus and vibration
than what you say to the ex, if you are
vibrationally in the right place then the right things will take care of themselves, if needed you will say the right things or you may even find that you don't need to say anything as they are taken care of

If you have any questions or comments on the above, feel free to add them in the comments below on this blog post. 

And if you haven't already, do subscribe to this blog via the form in the top left, you will receive a confirmation email in which you click the link to confirm your (free) subscription and you should automatically receive an email within 24hrs of new posts

When you let go of the ‘need’ for it, you will get what you want

“Hi Hemal,

Nina put me onto your blog and posts, and of course you know they are simply wonderful. Thank you for contributing so much of your helpful knowledge to the rest of us out here living this crazy physical experience.

I was wondering if you knew, or have blogged about anything having to do with baldness. With the knowledge I have now, I can see that I practiced the "I'm going bald and that's it, my dad is bald, etc." for years, and now I am trying to tell a new story and appreciate a full, healthy head of hair. I want all my other balding friends to look at me and say "How the HELL did you do that?  No rogaine?  No transplants?  How the hell is it possible?" Any help you could offer would be very appreciated.

Funny enough, I've searched the web for everything and found a way through the LOA to assist in a positive solution…but baldness is the ONE subject that seems very tricky – no one has a clear cut answer. Or one that I've been able to find, anyway…

All my best”


The process for people to create change in their physical bodies is the same as the process for the changes they try to create elsewhere in their lives; whether it be attracting more money or attracting a lover, etc.  They often have a situation which is of what they don’t want and this creates the contrast – that feeling of wanting something that isn’t here right now.  And the desire of what they want emanates from that.

So it’s softening the perspective on where you are at that moment, this softens the resistance and contrast and lets in the good stuff (which feels good – that is your indication) – you can call it the Universe, Universal energy, God force, spirit, non-physical, whatever you want to call it.  You are allowing it in.  We’ll talk more about it regarding this case later.


When someone is saying “Where is my lover?  Where is my
lover?  Why has he/she not entered my life yet?
”  Implicit in that
asking is doubt and focus on the lack of that person not being in their
life right now, and that attracts more of the same.

It’s the same as someone saying “Where’s my money?  Where’s my
”  Again, it is focusing on the absence of something and it
attracts more of the same.  Some people would call it ‘root looking’ or
‘pulse checking’.  If when you plant something you are regularly
digging it up to check for root growth it is not going to grow so well

The issue you mention here has the same solution as with other issues, and the irony is this: 

As you soften your perspective on the present situation, it won’t be an issue to you any more, but the irony in that is you will get what you want anyway.

It’s like a couple wanting to get ‘pregnant’, they try and try and try for a baby and after a while they decide to adopt.  And when they adopt, all their resistance to ‘not having a child’ goes….and they get pregnant.  When someone ‘gives up’ or ‘surrenders’ they let go of the resistance and thus allow what they want.  The key thing is not necessarily the surrendering but the letting go of the resistance.


Before we have some statements to soften this and talk about your body’s ability to grow, something else as a consideration when people are working on something on a ‘cosmetic’ level….

People are conscious of how they look and how they come across to others especially to the opposite sex.

The thing to realise is that attraction is vibrational.  Before anyone sees you (or hears you or touches you) they have already picked you up (pardon the pun) vibrationally, their attraction and recognition of you is vibrational – the fact they are even in your vicinity is because you are a vibrational match.

The question to ask yourself, is what tone (vibrationally) are you setting, is it one of:
- I don’t like the way I look, I am uncomfortable about one thing or another
- There is something not right about me
- I won’t be liked

- I know that despite how I might look or sound, I like (even love) me
- I don’t need to be or do anything, there are people that will love me for me, and it is ok if I’m not ok for others
(a vibrational match), it wouldn’t have worked anyway – I like who I am and if they’re looking for someone that doesn’t then I’m not a vibrational match
- I like/love me

The whole Universe works on a vibrational level far before anything else, before social conditioning, man-made laws or anything else – which are all composed of 'vibration' and pure potential anyway, they are all made up of the building blocks of the Universe.  With you being in alignment and feeling good about who you are, you are attracting people that match that, or attracting that aspect from those already around you.  You can only attract that which is a vibrational match to you.


Socially you may have thought there were certain opinions about baldness in terms of attraction – as may be the case with any situation, but do realise that through your softening of your own perspective on it, those elements of society will not interest you and those that do will be the ones that match your warm fuzzy feeling about yourself. The aspects of the Universe (and that includes society!) you draw to yourself will be the ones that are a match to your frequency, your vibration.  If you have a certain opinion or self image about yourself you will attract those that are a match to it.


Now you may have read the article on Getting Into Alignment with your Body (particularly the section in it titled "Your Body Literally Responds to your Vibration") which touched on the body’s ability to regenerate and grow.  Your body has the ability to grow hair as well as make other physiological changes.  Everything is malleable by your offering a pure thought and holding your vibration to it, thus attracting more of the same and the momentum building and manifesting on a physical level.

Your body responds when you come from a place of pure (i.e. not contradicted or 'mixed') thought, i.e. not from a place of lack or trying to 'fix' something.  Law of Attraction will give you more of the same, whatever you focus on it will give you more of the same.

Soothing yourself about a situation will let you soften the thoughts that don’t support what you want, the thoughts that are on what you don’t want, so you could say:

- I know I have this and whilst I haven’t enjoyed it, I’m going to take my attention off it and onto how I feel about myself
- I’m not going to let something change how I feel about myself.  My feelings about me are unconditional regardless of the outside.  And what do you know, maybe the outside will change too
- I also know that as I change how I feel about myself, other physiological changes may take place anyway
- I know the body has the ability to create the changes I want, I am here and reading this and have attracted a match in my search for a solution
- I will take my attention off the situation and ‘stop counting’ and instead will start to appreciate the good things in my life, including my body and what I appreciate about it


What would be good to do at that point would be to write a list of the things you DO appreciate about yourself and your body and to practice this.  You could make it a list of 10 things, 20, 50, whatever number you like, and regularly (such as every day) write a new one.  Not necessarily because you are trying to ‘create’ something, but because you enjoy how it feels and how you feel.  Manifestation is about how you feel during the process, the manifestations themselves are natural consequences of you feeling good.  The feelings are indicators of you letting in 'all the good stuff'.

Your vibration will raise and if you feel inspired to remember or think or imagine (whichever feels best) how more and more hair (or whatever the 'condition' was) would look on you you can do so, do what feels good and enjoyable, and do it because of that.  The subject will feel different as a result of your raised vibration, you will not be trying to 'solve a problem' but envisioning and creating something because (at that raised vibration) it feels good.  If it feels heavy then return to softening and resume from there.

Do you need to change your physical suroundings to attract what you want?

I just started reading The Secret, and I understand the Law of Attraction clearly.
What I don't understand are the physical aligning of things. I don't
know what I need to do with my room to attract the things I want. For
example, I want a husband. Do I
need to align things in that particular room for that to happen? 
What should I do to attract love and all these wonderful positive
things humans long for?

The book mentions that you should change your surroundings as if you
have your soulmate with you. For example: there's a story about a lady who stopped taking up
the whole space of the garage, and left some space for her potential
soul-mate's car to park in her garage.

So my question is: Is changing my surroundings a strictly important action to take in
order to attract my soul mate?

To answer your question – no!  You do not have to change your
surroundings or anything necessarily, it is about your thoughts and
feelings – hence your vibration about it.  And as a result you may/will WANT to make certain changes - such as your surroundings or by taking actions or anything else – because they feel good and inspired,
not necessarily because you 'have to'.  So the 'actions' are a consequence of how you feel rather than them being forced necessarily to 'make it happen'.  They are a natural progression of your feelings and your building vibration rather than something 'forced'

Changing surroundings or taking actions may lead to a change in one's vibration, the key IS the change in vibration, so – and oftentimes the easiest and hence most efficient way – what you can do is the practicing of the thoughts and feelings of what you want and that will bring in the new vibration and the consequent physical reality

Softening your Vibration about a Decision Made

Here is an interaction from the comments of the "Everything you Experience is for you to Have What you Want" post.  It was a question Pat asked and I thought others would value it so I've pasted it here so it can be more visibly seen.  I've edited it a bit and added some additional comments

"Around January 2007 my husband and
I made a decision that affected me deeply (moving to another country),
and which I now regret. I cannot reverse it now, and I feel guilty,
remorseful, and depressed. I keep wishing I could turn the clock back,
which of course won't happen. I'd love to believe everything will be ok,
and attract the right things, but I just cannot. Any words of wisdom?"

Hi Pat,

You are in a situation that does not feel nice and you are looking to see what possibilities there are.

Start with the situation at hand, look at the things that feel
uncomfortable and look to 'soften' them. So you might say you are not
enjoying the country and find aspects that aren't so bad about them,
rephrase or reframe things such that they feel 'softer' rather than the
harsh way they've been perceived as previously.  It is never about a situation but your perspective on it, and that determines your vibration about it and thus your physical experience. 

As you soften how you see something the resistance will decrease and you will attract better feelings thoughts and feel better too.  Feeling better is a sign of alignment towards who you really are, from a spiritual point of view, it's alignment towards everything that you want

So as you soften your vibration you will attract other
thoughts in line with that and so on. As you do that you will find soon
enough your reality will change, and at the very least how you see your reality will have changed, in gentle subtle shifts. But it starts with gently softening
how things have been

You can say to yourself:
- I don't enjoy how things have been, but things have happened and I can try to make the most of them
I feel guilt and am depressed about it, and I can start to gently look for things I might appreciate because I know that will improve how I feel and is on the way to things changing, whether it be that my physical reality changes or that how I see my physical reality will change
- I can look for things that have come about through all of this which
may be of benefit to me, even if it's being clear on what I don't want.  I know there are things I have not enjoyed, in fact detested, but I am also clearer on what I DO want
- What I DO want is….

And work with building those thoughts, practice them, imagine them, spend time on them.
Just imagine if things could be a certain way, how would they be?  Don't
think you are trying to create something, just focus on these better feeling thoughts and practice them.  Doing this will raise your vibration and in time you will see things
around you shift, they can't not. If your vibration changes, what is
around you will (almost seemingly magically) shift

Law of Attraction and Focussing on What you Want

These are was an interaction I had with Camilla Levin Lefebre on a thread on the Universal Law of Attraction group on Facebook

I have this desire to expand my business. To open up a bigger shop in town and invest a large sum of money to get a better location.
At the moment my shop is quite small and situated a bit on a side road, not very central in town!
Well, this was my dream for the past year.
Now when I saw a location I like, I feel numb with fear and feel unable to decide what I want……….and I stop feeling excited to move forward!
In fact I can hardly feel the desire I used to feel.
How do I connect with my feelings and find out what I really feel, besides fear……….!

When you saw the location, what went through your mind?
My sense is you triggered thoughts about things that you don’t want (eg fears etc)
What thoughts were there at the time?

And most importantly,
Talk about what your desire and excitement was about the expansion of your business

Any time we feel fear or something that feels uncomfortable we are thinking about something that we don’t want, it’s about getting the focus back on the things that we enjoy.

We can create from either of those places – from an uncomfortable (eg fear) place or from one of excitement, fun, love, and all those good things. From one of those places we create a positive inspiring spiral, from the other one a place which is not so inspiring. You are in a Universe where you have the freedom to create from either, and that’s one of the perks in being such a good creator ;) Though of course one of them is more comfortable and the journey is A LOT BETTER

So the way to connect with your feelings is to ask yourself more about what excited you, what will you enjoy doing when you expand?  Is it the thrill of working with more people?  Having more interactions?  More stimulation?  And so on.  Think of all the good feelings you experience about your business, and more of the same.

The thought of expansion came because you have a desire for it, i.e. it wasn’t whimsical, it came because you were ready for it, and naturally when one thinks of something new and initially it can seem a new place so other (not so positive) thoughts might come in, and that’s what the creative process is about, it’s massaging the thoughts and lining them up to how you want things to be. Realise that when you are thinking more and more exciting thoughts it is leading you to more and more of the same, thoughts that weren’t previously available, each vibrationally builds on the previous, and each vibration also has a physical (manifestation) consequence too

Hi Hemal,
Nice to hear from you and I appreciate you taking the time to write.
You answer was very helpful and specific and it make very sense to me.
I know it is true that thinking about expanding triggers the fears of things I don’t want and I can now become aware of these feelings and remind myself to refocus and get back to what initially excited me about it

One way (of many ways) you can deal with fears is make a list of them and then work through them if you feel you need to rationally or logically work them out.

For example years ago I was going to invest in a property and at the time it was a new concept to me, so I made a list of all the fears and uncertainties, and then I went through them and had a solution/contingency/answer for each of them. And not just for the action/strategy level, but from a vibrational point of view it creates peace and alignment also (i.e. by lessening fear/resistance etc)

The only thing I’d say with a process where you consider something that is not wanted is not to spend too long on it. i.e. the process is to deal with things and release, gain relief etc, not to dwell, it’s not to dwell and keep attention on what is not wanted, it’s to use the process to release and FOCUS ON WHAT IS WANTED

One’s feelings – their ‘guidance system’ – are a guide to that, the idea is to massage and work with thoughts and get them to a good feeling place, like tuning into a frequency, because that is what brings one in harmony with the bigger picture

Hi Hemal,
That might really be helpful. I know that getting a better location will require a quite large investment and at the same time I also love my freedom to travel and visit my family who all lives in Denmark ( I live in France with my husband ) so this is my biggest concerns.
Will a bigger shop and a large investment demand more of my time, will I need to work more and will I be able to earn a good living with all the extra expanses. These are all the things that I do not really have a answer to;
and who does really!
But making a list sound like a way to see things clearer

You mentioned:

Large investment, hence will I need to work more, will there be sufficient time/money (‘good living’)

So at the moment that is a question you’re asking, and because it is a question you’re asking that is what the universe is likely to respond back with (i.e. uncertainty).

The question about ‘Large investment and will there be sufficient time/money‘ has a mixed vibration, i.e. of what is wanted AND not wanted, and so the solution is to get to a vibration of what is wanted and let the universe match that

What you need to do is practice the vibration of HOW YOU WANT THINGS TO BE.
Think about the scenarios you would like and let the universe shape your reality based on that

Initially you will gently start with some thoughts and as you practice them that will attract more thoughts and more thoughts and more thoughts and it will become easier and more and more familiar, and you will see things around you that will indicate this more and more. But don’t rely on that. Oftentimes what you want can manifest without you seeing indications of it

You will work with the thought more and more and more and your reality around you will take shape based on your vibration about it.

You can ask the universe in a questioning tone or you can offer it an answer for it to match, the universe is malleable and will match any vibration you give it, all realities are possible

So you could start with:
I’m looking at my new shop and noticing how wonderful it is, I’m seeing how easily it runs itself and what a wonderful living I am making from it and the time I get to travel and to visit my family. I see all the things I get to do and the things I get to experience and have the wonderful thrill of this vibrant thriving expansive business
I know there was a time I may have questioned this, but this experience now is so real for me and so exciting and so wonderful and I’m looking forward to all the wonderful and exciting creations ahead

Work on the thoughts and feelings that excite you the most, and let what happens around you mold into shape. The more exciting your thoughts the more they are in harmony with the larger (spiritual) part of you/the Universe

I really love your answer. It is exactly the answer I’ve been searching for….
Yes, I’ve been stuck in the vibration of doubt and lack of faith and I need to get back to my feelings of excitement of what I DO WANT AND HOW I WANT IT…….sometimes is so simple when I get reminded, but the doubt and fear sneeks up on me ever so often.
I guess I need to stay alert and aware and keep getting back to FOCUS…
Just means there is more work to do to get in alignment with what I love to have and do…….
Thank You soo much for making this clear to me again


Posted in Q & A | Tagged

Can I Create for Someone I Love using the Law of Attraction?

Hi there Hemal…

How have you been??
I’d appreciate your guidance….

& My husband are currently in The Philippines…but my husband is
looking out for better prospects and to move most probably to a different
country….. he has spread the word around but nothing has

How can I be of help in requesting this from The
Universe, Or is it that it’s him who needs to make the request? If so,
how do we do it…. don’t know why but i suddenly feel like i don’t know
what to do?

Please advise & guide.
Thanking you in advance.

Warm Regards,

You cannot create in another’s experience, but you can inspire their own alignment
You cannot create in in another’s experience (nor can they in yours) as everyone’s experience is sovereign but you can, through your own alignment, inspire others to their connection and alignment.  When you are connected through good feeling thoughts you can powerfully and easily and naturally inspire others, you will say the things that are important for them depending on their own vibration.

See things how you would like them to be
, play with imagery (more on that in a moment), play games (/processes) such that the desired outcome has already happened and you are FEELING from that place.

As this is your husband you can do lovely games together if you choose (see below).  You mentioned ‘request’, it does not need to be a formal ‘request’, any requesting or asking you ever do with the Universe is through your vibration.  Hence you are practicing thoughts and feelings of how you want things to be so that you are a vibrational match to it, and the universe always delivers vibrational match, it always gives you more of the same.

Ways you can practice the thoughts for ‘better prospects’
First of all define what ‘better prospects’ means.  What specifically does that mean?  What are the traits and qualities of that?  How would you know when you have it?  And then once you are specific with it, HOW WOULD IT FEEL?
List out the emotions (‘essences’) and practice experiencing them

So for example you might say being in a certain location or having a certain salary, so how would that feel?  The key thing is to tap into that vibration and live from it so that your external reality matches it.  You have to BE what you want to see

So with what you want together you could talk about how it will be when you have it.  What would you be doing?  How would you be living?  Where would you be going?  What would your lifestyle be?  Your husband could say how he is enjoying his work and what he is doing, and the key thing is he is FEELING from that place.  So he’s not just ‘talking’ about it but experiencing it.  You can talk about a chocolate cake or you can experience it   :)  (the key is to talk about it as if you are experiencing it)

And when he is talking about it, if he isn’t experiencing it then find out what is missing for him to add that into what he is envisioning, add as many feel good qualities to what is being thought about, the most important thing is how it feels rather than what you think or believe about it, for if you keep practising those feelings your reality will match them anyway.  Whereas if you impose upon your envisioning what you think reality is you may not be allowing yourself to feel as many of the good things that you can.

Creating a Magical Creation Box or Wallet
You can also collect items that signify or symbolise how things will be, so it could be a certain paycheque, or it could be a certain location, a certain type of job – so you can have pictures or items that symbolise these things and put them in a box or a folder or wallet.  You could create mock paycheques or bank statements and put them in there as well as certain things that symbolise your lifestyle.

This is the key thing here, oftentimes when people are determining things related to work or money oftentimes it is useful to ask what it will be for.  Money in and of itself is as powerful as the thing someone believes they can get with it (there is more about Money and essences in this article – Manifesting Money with the Abundance in your Life Right now).  When they tap into the feelings or the essences of these things there is far more emotional power, the vibration is stronger, the pull is stronger and things happen far more quickly.  Work on whatever feels the most powerful even if it means thinking thoughts outside of the work context, when you work on feeling thoughts they affect your general vibration and you will tend to attract other good things too




Posted in Q & A | Tagged

Does wanting more Abundance mean I’m lacking it?

"If I say I am abundance and then in the same breath say I want more
abundance do I not imply that there is a ‘dearth’ of abundance in me?"

It depends on your vibration about it (you’ll know that by how it feels, whether exciting or ‘not good’)

Sometimes if something feels uncomfortable then it can imply that on some level you are not focusing on the abundance of it but the lack of it.  The uncomfortable feeling is an indicator of not being detached (or allowing) what you want as well as you can.  Look to soothe any resistance or attachment around it (see other posts on this blog, and in future there will be more on this also), focus on the aspects of what you like about what you want, than any lack of it in your present reality.  For example if it is money related focus on the things the money will get you and how they feel…milk those thoughts for their emotional (/vibrational) value, rather than thinking about what isn’t happening in the present reality.  You can focus on ‘what-is’ (eg any lack in the present moment) and create more of it, or use your imagination and create what you want through that, it does not make a difference, your point of attraction is in your Now moment and it is your choice as a deliberate creator what you want to emit vibrationally, so to speak.

way is to focus on the abundance already around you ("I appreciate the
", "That I can breathe", "That I have the people I have in my life",
etc), start with things you know you appreciate (than something
you’re not convinced about and ‘trying’ for – because that will be its own vibration),  let that awareness
expand as your focus on it causes your appreciation of it to expand further.

way to attract anything – including abundance – is through your focus on
it.  It doesn’t have to be the specific thing necessarily but by being a
vibrational match of it.  The things you think and feel – the specific things – are essentially metaphors and tools for lining up with the vibration.  Through your vibrational focus on something you allow it to expand further, and of course also by keeping thoughts off the
perceived‘ lack of it, otherwise one can be ‘short circuiting’ the good vibrational work they are doing.
It’s always about ‘perceived’ as everything you want is already around you, it’s about letting it in


Ebooks & Products

The Secret and Weight Loss

This was a question I received for the Law of Attraction book,

Hi Hemal

My question is about weight loss — I know that the documented way to
weight loss in The Secret is to focus on the body you want and not on the idea
that weight must be lost AND to love the current body you’re in….which seems
like Catch 22, because if you loved the body you were in you wouldn’t want to
change it, right?



You focus on what you like (about your body) and your actions and everything else etc are as a consequence of that, i.e. feeling good, which initially may not very feel good but it’s about playing with the thoughts about the subject and practicing the vibration (there is more on this in other articles on this blog).  It’s finding something you DO like, and it could be something you like currently, something you’ve liked before, something you WILL like, or just something unrelated which feels good (and doesn’t activate the resistance about it), the feeling good will summon energy which can be in the form of ideas, inspiration, action, etc.

I did something similar last year and I found myself coming across all different types of nutritional products and supplements which were really helpful, and I would come across people who knew about training and nutrition who were willing to offer their suggestions.  Now that is on the action level (which came from ideas and inspiration I had, which came from working on the vibrational level as mentioned above).  You might get some ideas on what you are currently doing or could do, you will literally draw the experience into you from the vacuum you create with your vibration that pulls it towards you.

You’re right, why would you want to lose the weight if you felt good about it?  But feel good about the subject of your body and wellbeing and see what actions you feel like doing.  It’s a different perspective and rather than chasing a condition of ‘good body’, you are expressing/living FROM it and the actions are as a consequence and will feel empowered and stronger

It’s the same in other contexts too, eg rather than someone chasing a relationship because they’re lonely, by feeling great with their own company and the people they already have around them, they will BE better company and attract more friends and relationships as a consequence anyway

You might also want to check out this article I did recently
"I’m in a Fitness Modeling Contest…and ‘I Like Food’…"



Dealing with Mixed Emotions and Raising Vibration (in a Relationship)

Xio talks so much about you and she said you have been a wonderful resource.
At this point in my life I feel that I still haven’t found what I am looking for in life, I am very blessed I have a wonderful daughter who
is MY LIFE, but with my husband on the other hand I feel very empty we have
been together for almost 16 years.  I wish him the best, sometimes I feel
that I might love him but them when I am too close to him I don’t. I
don’t know what it is , I wish I could tell you. It might be too much
anger. I thought maybe through the law of attraction I can find answers
to my issues. Thank you Hemal


I will list out what I think are the most important parts in this:

-At this point in my life I feel that I still haven’t found what I am looking for in life
-I am very blessed I have a wonderful daughter who

-but with my husband on the other hand I feel very empty
-I feel
that I might love him but them when I am too close to him I don’t. I
don’t know what it is , I wish I could tell you. It might be too much


Let’s start with them, though not in that order

I feel
that I might love him but them when I am too close to him I don’t. I
don’t know what it is , I wish I could tell you. It might be too much

In reading that, of course anger suggests that either something has happened and/or you have anger about something else and blame him.  Whatever it is is not crucial, because whatever you feel and for whatever reason you are feeling it, and you work with your experience.  When someone feels something they will also tend to see more of it (have you bought an item of clothing and started seeing all the other people that are wearing something similar? lol)- we tend to see and attract more of the same of what we are feeling.

So ask yourself, how do you feel about the relationship?  Is it worth making peace with the ‘anger’ so you can focus on more of what you want?  You see, it’s not about the relationship, it’s about doing this for yourself.  If someone leaves one relationship and does not change how they think/feel they will attract similar situations in another (or other friendships/relationships) because whilst they have moved physically, they have not changed their vibration.  So they feel ‘Why does this keep happening to me?’ or ‘What’s God/The Universe got against me for keeping on punishing me?’  It’s totally to do with vibration.

I’ve known people who have moved countries to ‘get away from things’ and because they are thinking the same things they attract similar scenarios.  And of course there are many times where this doesn’t happen either, because the new environment stimulates them differently and they don’t have the same thoughts/feelings as before, but as in all cases, the common denominator are the thoughts and feelings of the individual.

So work on the anger for yourself, and this relationship – or whatever else – will be an expression of You.

Ask yourself does the anger hold any purpose?  When we get the learnings from a situation we tend to feel better and better about letting it go (the emotions) and moving on.  Actions are not necessary, changing our feelings is the most important (and actions can come as a consequence of that), but for many people having conscious learnings helps them to ‘let go’. 

So someone might say ‘If I could say "No" rather than saying ‘Yes’ all the time I’d feel I don’t need to have the emotion (whatever it might be) to protect me‘.  So if they have the learnings (in this case to be able to say ‘No’) they can let go of the emotion, which is the most important thing.

So ask yourself, ‘What do I need to think, feel, do so I can let go of the emotions?  I know that when I make peace with the present, when I soothe the emotions, when I feel ‘less bad’, when I feel ‘better’, I know that then not only am I feeling better but I know that I am more in harmony with the rest of the universe in supporting me with what I want’

When the universe is in harmony with you things will orchestrate themselves, things even beyond man-made laws and what you may think it’s possible, things will happen which you didn’t expect, things will surprise you, maybe people will say things to your certain way, or some things will happen, these will be things even beyond what you can consciously imagine and it’s not your job to figure out the ‘how’

We will talk more about ‘feeling better’ in….


-but with my husband on the other hand I feel very empty
-At this point in my life I feel that I still haven’t found what I am looking for in life


These both seem quite similar in that they suggest an absence of certain feelings; good feelings, things that excite you, things that make you feel alive, things to move towards, etc.

There are many ways to feel better about things, firstly it starts with making peace with the present, making peace with the Now, which we touched on in the previous section.  Sometimes it is not easy to think about ‘feeling good’ until we have dealt with feeling ‘less bad’ and making peace with the Now, and then comes a point when we have to focus on ‘feeling good’ so as to get our attention off the ‘feeling less bad’ we were moving on from.  So for now, let’s assume that that has been done,

So, ways to feel better can include:

-Think back to times when you DID feel good about your husband, when you were excited, when there were many things happening and you were looking forward to what was ahead.  Not necessarily because you want to make this relationship work (or not) but because you are looking for things that felt good, that is the only criteria in this

-Think about the aspects that you don’t think your husband is reflecting at the moment – let that be an indication of the aspects that you’re not focusing on WITHIN YOURSELF.  Start thinking and practising the thought of having those aspects in your life

So for example if you say you don’t feel loved, practice on how it feels to be loved.  When you change how you feel about yourself you change how others feel about you too and either you will draw those aspects from those people or you will attract people will reflect those aspects to you, at the end of the day everything you attract is a reflection

-Think about what the future might hold, or I don’t know what your choices will be in terms of the relationship with your husband in the future, but think about a relationship you are in in the future and how it feels, how is it to have the things that you want.  Again, this is just another way of practising thoughts that feel nice.  You are just using the frame of having something in the future as a way of allowing yourself to feel things a certain way. You could imagine it now, you can imagine it in a relationship in the past – it doesn’t matter – the most important thing is that your attention is on things that you WANT

-You can make a list of the things missing right now, whether in your life or in a certain relationship, and use that to identify what you DO want, and then practice feeling as if you would have them, feeling FROM having them

When you have lined up vibrationally you will not pay attention to the things that you used to, you will start to see things in a different way, you will see others differently in time, you will start to see the qualities of what you want in your experience, and that in itself will attract more of the same (Law of Attraction).  You will not be attracted to the same types of interactions as before, because the interactions that you are attracted to will be more in harmony with what you want from your new vibrational persepctive.


A wonderful example of this is:
-I am very blessed I have a wonderful daughter who

Notice how that statement feels compared to everything else (the previous statements for example), there’s a certain lightness, a certain light, easy – perhaps fun – feeling, a very different vibration.  You know that there is no ‘empty’ feeling here.  This feeling is very very easy and very natural to you, you are working on getting your vibration about other things to this sort of place.

Another way of describing this vibration is ‘pure’ i.e. it is not contradicted, what I mean by that is it is not mixed, there is no doubt, it is very clean and pure and you know EXACTLY how it feels – by how it feels – and there is no doubt, and when you talk about it to others they feel it too.



How Do I Know What I Want?

Mohamed: (Paraphrased) I think that the most important point is to know what you really want,
It’s really difficult, for me at least, to know what I do want…

Look at it like a lump of clay you are going to mould, and your
questioning about what you want will enable you to get clarity in
closer sculpting/creating what you want

So you ask what you don’t want to get what you DO want

you’re finding that you don’t have clarity on what you don’t want or
what you do want, i.e. nothing is coming up, ask yourself what’s
about the decision? i.e. if you don’t have a preference of
what you do or don’t want, then why is it mattering? i.e. what are your
preferences ABOUT
the decision itself?
And they will give you criteria
and wants and don’t wants to work with

So you might say, ‘I’d
really like to decide what job to get, but I can’t think of what I like
or don’t like’
Ok, so why are you thinking about it, why is it even a
consideration, why is this even coming up for you?

‘Because I’ve
got to get a job, money, furthering myself etc’
Ok, money, furthering
yourself. What does furthering yourself mean? What does money mean to
you? And as you get clarity, also work then on getting onto the
feelings of those things

So say you’ve gotten clarity and you’re
saying ‘I want $x income a month and I’d like to have my own business
within a year’
, so ask yourself: How does that FEEL? What are the
essences to it?

So you could say ‘Well I’d feel so secure and
safe and actually a little rich with a consistent income, I’d feel
stable, in fact maybe even excited about the way things were going. I’d
certainly appreciate things a lot. And about having my own business,
wow, I’d be excited, that’d be so thrilling’
, so you have some FEELINGS
and essences, these are what will bring the universe to orchestrate
things with you, it responds to your vibration, and your emotions are
an indicator of that
Keep yourself around those feelings (and not on
the lack of them) and things around will you will move and you will
notice them and that will perpetuate more good things happening and so

Have fun  :)

Hi Hemal
Thanks for your response.
I have to make a step in this road, I have to decide
what I do want to be, because I feel so scared when I think that I may
keep thinking without taking an action until it’s too late.

So ask yourself what are you ‘scared’ of? i.e. you are fearful of
something you don’t want, use that to define what you want. You could
make a list of what would happen if you didn’t do this or that or what
could go wrong or what’s wrong with the various options, then use that
to define what you DO want, and that’s where the power will be

right now you feel comfortable taking some action then feel free to do
so. There is nothing wrong with taking action. The preference is to
line up vibrationally (with emotions) but it is also about lining up
with your beliefs, so if currently you’d feel better in taking some
action then feel free to do so. Ask yourself what would feel better
right now, whatever that is

Absolutely you want to make a step
in the road, what I mentioned above was a way of getting clarity on the
journey ahead of you. So you could take other action steps, or you
could take clarification steps (and when you have clarity you will feel
inspired and the actions will come very naturally anyway), either way
you will experience things which will give you more clarity on what you
do want and what you don’t want and you will be getting closer to what
you want.

And if you are in a place of fear, just work on
feeling slightly better, whatever that is. You have reached out and
asked for guidance/opinions, give yourself credit, you have taken
actions and done some things about it. Even if you hadn’t received
answers, give yourself credit nevertheless. And work on gently feeling
better. You don’t have to wait for the reality to change for you to
feel better, there are things you can feel better about right now,
which will change your reality anyway. But focus on your feelings about
it, and if for you that involves actions then so be it, it’s really
about what works for you.

As an after-note to this interaction, Mohamed kindly wrote to me to thank me for it and posted it on his blog at Route 1900 for March 24 2008