“Battling with an Ex”

Thanks Hemal for taking the time to respond to my comment, that makes me feel really good :)

I have been trying soo hard to be positive and think good thoughts, and i know that we create our own reality but all I am wanting is to be happy and my ex and his entire family are not going to let me be. In fact, it seems that if it’s obvious that I am happy they seem to go out of their way to make me miserable. I just went thru a 2 yr custody battle and won (without an attorney non the less isnt that awesome!!) That was one day i truly felt the power of positive thinking because I went in there and told 100% the truth even though I could no longer afford an attorney and WON!!

But it seems this win has lit a fire under them and now they are trying 10x harder to make things difficult for me. I’m talking EVERY SINGLE DAY there’s either something popping in my inbox from them, prank calls, prank text messages, something coming in the mail, its really getting me down and I’ve even started to gain weight from it all and you know how that is on us women, that is making me even more depressed lol!!

So, I guess what I am asking is, how do I manage to maintain happy and positive in spite of the constant attacks? I certainly don’t think I am bringing this on myself am I? It’s making me miserable and I am already slipping into a depression which is what my ex wants me to do. I fell he just won’t stop until I am destroyed and I know you cant tell from not really knowing me but I am spiraling fast :( Any words of encouragement will be gratefully appreciated.

Thank you again for taking the time to read this and for your lovely daily posts, they mean so much to me, more than you will ever know!!

Much respect,

Shannon

REPLY:

Hi Shannon,

Firstly, I wrote a post on my blog about a year ago which may resonate with you,
As a Single Parent How do I Handle my Ex?

My sense/hunch is that [by your attention to it] you are getting sucked into a fight so to speak. You are focusing on winning this battle and in doing that your attention is in pushing against them and hence you are attracting more of the same, that is just a sense on my part, but you will know best.

The thing to ask yourself is what are you doing all this for? The answer is probably to do with your child and your life, how would you like things to be?  Focus on the positive essences about that (rather than on a battle – which implies being in a battle and attracting more of the same), the things that are important to you about it, regardless of your ex and his family. Take your attention totally away from them and make it about what YOU want and what feels good to you.

Would you be ok with you getting what you want and them getting what they want? That may not be feasible or possible, I’m just asking the question in terms of would you be at peace with them having what they want? Don’t make this about what they get or what they don’t get, make it about the things that feel good to you and are important to you, regardless of them.

Because if you are having the emotions of a scrap, then regardless of them, if they go away then you will attract someone else to fill that space to match the vibration you are giving out (to have a battle). Make it about the essences that feel good – such as the beautiful life that you will have with your child, the things that you will do etc etc – i.e. make it about YOU and totally about YOUR reality, and then others can be drawn to it that match it.

I think the reason you get down is to do with with your attention on them rather than the attention on you.  And of course when you think about them there are emotions which are unpleasant and suck you in…and you think more about it…and it gets bigger, and so on.  Then you have manifestations such as the things that they are doing. And it may not be easy and of course things like ego and pride may come into it, but allow yourself to step away from that situation. Realise anything in life is about YOU, not about anyone else. As you have focused on them and the things that they have been doing it may have angered you or saddened you and of course it created more attention from you on them and it wasn’t allowing you to let it go out of your life.

The way to do that is to envision a life that you would like to be having when all of this is over and feel it now, thus that things can then orchestrate in line with that.  Put the same emotional emphasis to what you would like than on where you are leaving.  What is dominant in your vibration is what you head towards.

This post was automatically imported into my Notes on Facebook.  If you would like to see it and the comments people have been leaving for it then click here: “Battling with an Ex” Note on Facebook.  If you would like to leave a comment you are very welcome to leave one there or in the comments section below.

If you would like to work one-to-one with me on this sort of an issue or another you can find out more information at Work One-to-One with Hemal