Related post: From Drug Addiction and Poverty to a Life of Abundance and Happiness

“I’ve been spending some frequent times with a long time friend and it seems that the path we are on it is probable that our friendship is growing into an intimate relationship.

In getting to know each other at a deeper level, yesterday he confided in me that he is a habitual drug user. Whilst I’m not anti-drug in total as I have had my experiences in the past, a few years ago I made a decision for myself to be drug free and all is well there. In my conscious awareness I never imagined I would be attracted to a man that does these things.

In all your understandings of how this world works, is it possible for a spiritually aware person to hold a relationship and loving space for somebody who isn’t yet aware and involved in self abuse?

Is it possible for one person to love another that it inspires that person to start having self-love?

Thanking you in advance for your help”

> Is it possible for a spiritually aware person to hold a relationship and loving space for somebody who isn’t yet aware and involved in self abuse?

Yes, and you do it by focusing on the aspects in that person that you love and appreciate and you take your attention off those things that you don’t. You do not contradict or mix your attention of love with that of what you don’t like

The thing is whether you can keep your attention off those things that you want to keep it off. The vibration of the love and appreciation of the other person can be built by focusing on what you love and adore about them (without contradicting those thoughts with what you don’t like or that scare you), and that attracts more of the same and the things that you don’t like you will tend to focus on less and less

So what happens if this person furthers their self abuse? There is the possibility of that and you could say to yourself right now that you don’t want to go down that road by not going into this relationship. Or, you could say that you love this person and you’re willing to take whatever path things go in the future and you love them unconditionally. Neither is right or wrong and is totally a choice you can make. There is nothing wrong with either choice, in fact there is never anything wrong in any decision we make in the Universe, the Universe/God never makes a judgement, only we do

> Is it possible for one person to love another that it inspires that person to start having self-love?

So now I guess this is talking about whether you can change his behaviour? Well as you focus your love and attention and appreciation to him, that itself will be a drug for him. That is what we feel when we are in love.

What I would say to anyone going into any relationship is to focus on what you love about that person and not on the things that you would like to change and don’t like. Through your love that person can change, but you should be in such a place that whether that person changes or not you are at peace with it. That is unconditional love and that is alignment.

In you being in that place, whether that person changes or doesn’t won’t matter to you, and ironically it will create the most fertile ground for them to change – but that is also a choice for them to make

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  • kristal says:

    Loving another and choosing to have an intimate relationship are two different things. To truly Love another one must truly Love themselves as well and by Loving themselves they are wanting what is best and most Loving and healthy for where they are in their life.
    I was once very deeply in Love with a man who after some time together, due to some stressful life circumstances was diagnosed bi-polar. The months following were less than happy to say the least and I chose to leave. I still Love this man very deeply and we are the absolute best friends two people could ever be, but we are no longer a couple.
    It is very possible to deeply Love another and choose a different path for yourself because the path shared would be a path led by forces outside of your control. The only control you have is over your self, your actions, and your life and Love of self.
    If that path he is choosing was not a path you wanted and chose to abort in your own life, the outcome of an intimate relationship can only become one of two things………your eventual rejoining of that path or his abortion of that path….odds are fifty fifty…….depends how lucky you feel.
    I work with addicted and abused women. Those women have little Love for themselves and as a result do not have the capacity to truly and spiritually Love another. The stats are not always encouraging.
    There is no joy in martyrdom.
    I commend you highly for choosing a spiritual path!! Know you are a beautiful and Loving creature who deserves another on the same path you have chosen for yourself and truly enjoy the joy being a friend to your friend as best you can. But know no matter how much you Love your friend, your friend must choose to Love himself first before he can ever beat his addiction.
    I wish you all the best no matter your choice!!

  • And interventions are always available as well. In the meantime, love is the best recipe! 🙂
    Brett J. Gillilan

  • Hemal Radia says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Kristal!

  • I want to tell you how much I appreciated your comments to the woman attracted to the drug user. When I first read it, I wanted to tell her not to divert her energy with someone who is unconscious. As a lady with 23 years clean & sober, I know that I WAS truly unconscious in my using days. But your response was so beautiful and right on – I am reminded to practice unconditional love. I thank you for that beautiful modeling.

  • Hemal Radia says:

    Thank you Elaine, I appreciate your comment!

  • When getting into a relationship with someone that has an addiction, it is extremely important to recognize what the attraction is for you. Are there subconscious secondary gains? Those could be coming from a place of lack. Could be feeding your need to care for someone else or feel important. Boundaries and self care are invaluable and necessary for any relationship to be happy and fulfilling. That will help you to continue to be focused on positive intentions. The only thing you have control over is your thoughts, feelings and actions.

  • Hemal says:

    Thank you for that, Loren 🙂

  • Relationship Addiction says:

    Relationship addictive behavior, if left undiagnosed, possibly will direct to more violent and potentially unsafe behavior for yourself and others. This is injurious to your mental fitness also. Relationship addiction is a cry for love that has been concealed or abused in our past.

  • Kimyon says:

    Is it possible for one person to love another that it inspires that person to start having self-love?
    2 be able to look at yourself and bring a quietness to your mind, a revealing of what you are w/o reacting, w/o memory or judgment. Seeing is the freedom (love).

  • Nancy Adler says:

    What a beautiful sharing of unconditional love modeling. To be able to look to ourselves and what in me would be attracted to somone that is choosing to remain unaware.
    So very true ~ Enlightened awareness lends a freedom of love.

  • Looking for Harmony says:

    Thank you for tweeting this link Hemal, this was just what I needed to read today. Although my situation is not related specifically to addiction, it is about wanting to change people. Specifically, getting two people very close to me to tolerate each other as it upsets my flow to hear them speaking ill of each other. “[F]ocus on what you love about that person and not on the things that you would like to change and don’t like” is the answer I was looking for.

  • Hemal Radia says:

    Kimyon, one CAN inspire another to self-love through their inspiration, though it will always be to the individual, it’s not about “forcing”, though as you say, about inspiring.
    Thank you Nancy 🙂
    Thanks Harmony, I would say focus on your own flow regardless of them (and their reactions).

  • Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

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